Steve the Self Help Wiz!

This Week’s Prompt107. Wall paper cracks off in sinister shape—man dies of fright.

The Resulting Research:In The Walls

This story in part brought to you by our patrons on Pateron

Blog Day 1.

Hey busy bodies! It’s Steve the Self Help Wiz here again. Now I know I usually do outdoors stuff[1]

You don’t really know your house until your stuck in it. And I don’t mean “I have to wait for several hours for my plumber to arrive” stuck, I mean “if I leave the house the police will send me to jail where I’ll die[2]” stuck. Keeping a blog helps keep you sane, though, so I’ve started this little thing.

I figure while I’m stuck, I can get some housework done at least. I got the dishes done, dusted most of the living room, got the wobbly leg of the dinner table fixed. I really think that just having something to do, even if its small, can help keep the mind when your isolated. And video tutorials make great company when your unclogging your sink.

Turns out, hardware stores are essential retailers too. Which means I can get some new wallpaper for the upstairs rooms. They’d started to peel years ago, and to be honest I just never really used them. I was gonna look into an Airbnb or something like that, but well. Guess it’s time to get that whole thing fixed up.

I do think it’s time to fix this old sea-shell print with something a bit more…land locked. I’m thinking some seashells—especially to cover up some of the places that have peeled. I swear this one here looks like a skull, creeps[3] me out.

Bird of Pray 1

What kind of wallpaper do you guys use? Or is it just paint? Let me know in the comments!

 

Blog 2

Hey Self-Helpers! Your favorite DIY home guy is here. Managed to find what was causing the problem with that squeaky chair—got the screws tightened and everything is A-Okay. And I’ve unclogged the sink—turns out you shouldn’t use a plunger, who knew right? But I got all the old grease out of there, made things right as rain.

And speaking of, the rain today was something wasn’t it? Found a few leaks I’ll have to patch up. Hard to do that inside, of course, but I think I’ll manage. Laid some pots out, might boil the water it later—I think rain water’s still safe these days. Boiling should get rid of anything, a quick nuke in the microwave gets rid of most any problems[4].

Now, there was one more thing that came up today—and I’d like your guys help with it! So, you guys know I put up more wallpaper up in those rooms I was going to rent out—and thanks to everyone warning me about Airbnb’s practices, really, but now’s not the time. Anyway, the wallpaper’s peeling again—apparently the previous owners tried patching it up too, there’s some weird triangle pattern beneath the flowers that came off. Anyway, I’m going to try and get all the wallpaper off and layer over it. Any suggestions for what I should put up instead?

P.S. I swear it keeps making creepy stuff. Like, everyone else sees a spider or something like that right?

Bird of Pray 2

Blog Post 3

Hello Busy Bees! Thanks to everyone who let me know that spray can masks can act as effective face masks, in a pinch—I’ll link the modifications they need below[5]. You might still find some at Home Depot and Lowes—although act fast. Anything through the grapevines bound to dry up. Remember that anti-biotic stuff?

Anyway, to the main event. Yes, the wallpaper’s torn again—and thanks to the wonderful suggestion that I just make the photos into a gallery piece. I mean it that’s great. Positive thinking like that can get you through a lot, especially three weeks into something like this, when you can go a bit batty. Walks to the grocery store aren’t always enough, you know?

But you asked, so here it is!

Bird of Pray 3

And here’s the special surprise—yeah, the normal peeling point has moved. Here’s a close up.

Bird of Pray 4

So yeah, it’s spread out a bit—and the weird peelings are getting, yeah, a bit weirder. I mean, I’ve got to just be seeing things right? These don’t look like skulls, but as the helpful commentor JoeBeshi1990 pointed out, they do kinda look like skulls if your rotate them ninety degrees. Anyway, going to try some more heavy duty stuff.

And while I appreciate the concern for my health, I can’t really move right now can I? Already having trouble keeping my routine going,  what with the party across the street. And no, I can’t “call a priest”. I did look into it, but even the Hospitals are down priests lately. Something about health hazards, but that’s just the news lately?

Anyway, that’s today’s news. Let me know  if you have any other tips and tricks for your fellow DIY enthusiast out there!

Post 4

Hey DIY fans! We’ve been inside for over two months now, so I’ve got some more ways to fix that furniture you might have knocked over. And here[6] you have some of my advice on how to properly repair the glasses you might have also knocked over, especially if the local store has run out of replacements[7].

So I think we can rule out structural problems here, I think. It is probably a mold in retrospect. Spreads like mold. So we’re going to try  tearing back what’s left, then peeling back the dry wall to see if there’s something growing in there that we can dis-infect. It’s going to be loud but theirs been worse. See my prior post about sound proofing your bedroom, that can help keep that sort of things quieter, especially moving things around in relatively interior spaces.

And for the ghouls[8] out there, yes there are new pictures. Here you go:

Bird of Pray 3

This one’s really weird. Seems…fractally?

Bird of Pray 5

Now again, I want to stress this—I cannot leave the house except for Lowes and getting groceries without getting in trouble with the police[9]. That means no, I can’t go to some empath or buy some crystals. I’ve looked online, but for now shipping across state lines isn’t easy, and its pretty expensive to buy these crystals. Moneys tight with only your generous donations to patreonand some small ad revenue—and, yeah, emergency fees but that’s not going to cover weird New Age stuff.

Bird of Pray 1

If anyone has DIY solutions for stuff like healing crystals, let me know! I heard it’s pretty easy to grow crystals and if you can buy the supplies from an essential retail office, then I’m game! Comment below!

5

I’ve just boarded up the entire upstairs. It’s gotten too much. I’ll get it fumigated or whatever when this blows over. I drew some of those drawings as straight as I could—great use for a standard compass by the way, along with a straight edge and a ruler. Don’t know if I got all the words right, but hey, if it keeps it upstairs, all the better. There isn’t much wall paper downstairs—I was going to put new wallpaper in but this fiasco’s kept me occupied. Honestly, probably better that I didn’t right? At this rate, who knows what will happen.

Bird of Pray 1

Now, DIY fans, I’m going to get to work on that old shed I promised. Here[10]’s some old pictures I have of the interior, but tomorrow I’m going to check in and see if it’s changed much recently.

Bird of Pray 4

 

[1] Steve’s prior entries include one on the construction of a porch, and various types of chairs, predominantly red.

[2] Jails and other confined places were common vectors of diseases at the time, resulting in an increased frequency of cases there.

[3] A curious bird, sometimes called the yo-yo bird reported in a few mountain areas, particuarly in the Rockies. The awal is said to grip its prey, and fly high into the air. Unlike most birds, however, it does not tear into its food. Rather, it drops the morsel from a great height and dives after it. The awal bird does this many times, until the poor mouse—or larger creature—suffers a heart attack and dies. Then, the awal bird feasts on the perfectly preserved remains. Stories suggest that a larger bird, or that flocks of them, will seize small children for meals.

[4] Viral infections, and the common housefly, are actually too small to meaningfully be affected by microwave ovens. Microwaving one’s mail or water will kill some bacterial infections, but not much else. Paper however can carry the infection for several hours unless properly observed.

[5] Link no longer available.

[6] Link no longer available

[7] Glass shortages are a commonly under-reported sign of social unrest, but not entirely unheard of.

[8] A ghouls is a creature of Arabic folklore, known for lurking in graveyards. The star Algol is named after a ghoul, and was thought to presage a vast and terrible battles, or other calamities, as the star ‘feasted’ on the dead.

[9] No outstanding warrants for Steve the Self Help Wiz have been located by our staff. Investigations are ongoing however.

[10] The first printing of  Moldovi’s Ancient and Classic Stories: Tall Tales and Exciting Adventures from Around the Globe contained a number of misprints and factual errors or outright forgeries. After some considerations, and much conversation, a number of pieces have been removed. Major alterations include: The Awal Bird* illustration, misprinted in one in three instances; the Jala dog*, which was determined to be a derogatory tale from local Spanish authorities and having no real basis in tales of the area; the Womi-tali*, a combination of nonsense syllables that again, appears to be an English invention of little providence; the illustration of Typhon, misprinted in one in four cases; an instance of the Grootslang* misprinted in one in five cases; the picture of the Faerie Queen, misprinted in six out of ten cases; the story of the Wandering Sword, rewritten after a second translation; and lastly the image of the dying Medusa, misprinted in one of five[10]*. In cases where originals could be found, they were printed. In cases where they could not be located, sadly, omissions had to be made. These are marked with a * above.

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